I'M BACK, BITCHES!

Oh, did you think I gave up?

Okay, I did kind of disappear off the face of the planet for a little while there, but here I am, Dylan 2.0.

My gift to the world. (Here's a hint: it's me.)

Well, I didn't change that much (or improve enough to warrant a new version) but we can pretend that that's why I was gone for so long.

Long story short, I f*cked up my car and started looking for a new job, which I acquired, and now I will make butt-loads of money.

By "butt-loads," I actually mean a pretty modest amount, and still much lower than is livable, but significantly more than I was making this last year. But if I have enough to buy overpriced coffee and Alita merch, and, you know, pay for emergency car repairs, I consider that filthy rich. They better start calling me Rich Uncle Pennybags because boy oh boy will I finally have enough money to stop hating myself. All I need now is a monocle.

Dafuq? He doesn't have a monocle? Dang Mandela effect back at it again.

Also, if we're being honest, I was also just kinda lazy. Not gonna sugar-coat it, I just didn't feel like blogging or writing much while I was job searching. But now that's all behind us; that was Dylan 1.0, and that poor loser had no management skills whatsoever.

So yeah, I've come back, like herpes, to blight the world with my unfiltered opinions and tomfuckery.

At this point, I'm just trying to make the text long enough to catch up with the bottom of the picture of Pennybags over there, because I just previewed the post and it looked aesthetically unpleasing to look at the way it cut off so soon, so I'm essentially just wasting about 10 seconds of your time (20-60 if you're slow) to make sure that this post is as aesthetically pleasing as possible. A small price to pay for salvation.

More posts coming soon, if you haven't all forgotten about me and moved on with your lives,

-Dylan

Edit: Nvm, the job fell through. My life is still as sad and pathetic as before.  And I don't have money bags.

Or a monocle.

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